Insult to injury

Well, I finally did it! I finally got my 2nd oral surgery done yesterday! My husband should be so proud of me ~ he's been bugging me to get it over with for some time now. Oh sure, since it's so easy to find two different babysitters (one who can take Jonah to school, the other to watch Zoe and Aiden of which the former will probably scream the whole time because she is no longer attached to my hip and feels it is her eternal right), schedule a decent time to actually get the work done, and find a time in my insane life where I can actually have a few days to recover. Easy-Peasy! (I know, I'm a big whiner!) :)

For those of you who are squeamish about oral work, you may not want to read on. For the brave, I'll tell you exactly what happened (what can I say, I'm a little bored and avoiding all housework or responsibility today in the name of healing. Good excuse eh?). Maybe I should backtrack a bit. The reason for the surgery is badly receded gum line on my two front bottom teeth. Got that? It was getting so bad that the root was majorly exposed. They don't know why it happened . . . genetics? Brushing too hard in a back and forth motion instead of circular? Braces? The only fix? Surgery.

They started out by numbing me up 3 times. 1st with the swab that had topical numb-er. They do this so you're numb enough for the 2nd round ~ shots that just deliver a few drops of numbing medication (what is it called? Oh, I don't care. I'm just pleased as punch it actually worked!) just under the surface of the skin. Can you say "Ouch!". "Just a pinch" my left foot!!! They do this step so that when they do the 3rd series, you don't scream your flippin' head off cause this time they stick the needle so far up into the palette that it actually tickles your brain a little bit. Thank heavens for the 3 steps I say. Step two was not fun, but I didn't want to feel step 3. No way!

I could have opted to be sedated (I admit at times I wished I was just sleeping through the process). But after the plethora of dental/orthodontic/periodontic work I've had done in my life, this Bambi (who used to cry/fuss/fight just because I had to go in for routine cleanings) is now a decorated veteran (just check out my battle scars and the badges that I feel the need to display across my teeth). Plus I was more afraid of the $750 bill for sedation than the actual surgery.

Once my mouth felt like I had a watermelon in it, the periodontist and his assistant come in in their full on battle-gear and proceed to crack jokes designed to help you not think about the torture they're about to put you through. It worked, they were pretty funny (I could really enjoy the company of these people if they weren't making me bleed!) I had to close my eyes the whole time though. I can deal with the surgery, but I still would rather not watch all of the poking, cutting, scraping, bleeding, and sewing of human flesh in the reflection of their face plates. Hence, my eyes stay glued shut.

They have a double bladed knife-thingie. Kind of like an exacto, but with two blades, separated by a small space. Make sense? They basically "shove" it into the palette and pull out some tissue. The receeded gum line around my tooth is then pulled away from the tooth to make a little pocket for the donor tissue (the stuff that just came from my palette). Then like a twisted seamstress, the doctor sews the stuff to my gums.

I don't feel much except a little bit of pressure (yea! The 3 step process is working!), but it takes all I got not to gag when stuff drips to the back of my throat. The surgery was fairly swift and painless. Like I said, I'm pretty much an old pro at this stuff by now. They cleaned me up and sent me on my way armed with a bag full of gauze (should I start gushing from the palette), two prescriptions, lots of instructions to keep me from un-doing all of the do-ing they just did, and a black & blue chin that could give Jay Leno a run for his money.

This is when the fun part comes. I go to check out and that's when they hit you with what really hurts. Dun! Dun! Dunnn!! THE BILL! Holy Guacamole! I get to pay $2000 dollars for my lovely torture session! But at least I can put it on a payment plan so the torture to my wallet can last much longer than the bruises and pain of recovery. Bunch of Sadists!