Heard in the Trenches (mostly Milo)

Milo was throwing a fit about something & Chris tried to comfort him.  Milo pushed him away and said, "doe away, I'm woing a wit."

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Milo was playing with a little Lego guy and talking to it.  I could hear him ask, "are you a bad duy (guy)?  Are you a feetie (sweetie) pie?  Are you a little feetie pie?"

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We found a small spider in the bottom of our laundry basket.  Milo was in awe.  He admired it for a moment then turned his eyes up toward me and asked,  "are we smash him?"   Then, after I turned my back to do more laundry, he walked to the pantry and returned with a roll of parchment paper, saying,  "now we can smash him?"   I ended up dumping the spider outside to which he began to cry.   "Him's a Mino pider (Milo spider) him needs his mommy!"  I finally consoled his little broken heart by convincing him the baby spider had found his mommy spider.  It was a topic of discussion for days.

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Milo:  "what's that?"  Pointing to a scratch on the wall. 

Me:  "it's a scratch."

Milo:  "otay (okay)."  Looks thoughtful for moment, " should we put a  Bam-baid (band-aid) on it?"  

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Zoe:  "I always remember my birthday."   

Me:  "oh yea?  When is it?"

Zoe:  "May 3rd."

Me:  "what year?"

Zoe:  "um...I have it every year."

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Milo woke up chipper & decided he wanted to wake up the kids ("the guys" as he calls them).  I opened the bedroom door for him, he entered the room with a happy little skip to his step and pronounced loudly, "Hi duys (guys),  I'm tute (cute)!!!"

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Milo was rolling around on our bed one morning and suddenly buried his face and started saying a prayer.  It went like this..."Heavny Fader,  tank you for a good day.  For mommy, and daddy, and tids (kids) and mommy, and Mino (Milo), and mommy is tockate (chocolate), and Mino is a dude. In the name, Desus Tryst (Jesus Christ) amen." 

Chris and I are suppressing giggles.  Then he looks up and says,  " I said, Desus Tryst amen."

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The kids have randomly been singing the song, "sunshine, lollipops & rainbows everywhere..."  Milo picks up on everything so he's been singing it a lot too.  This morning he was talking away and rather randomly said, "I love you Modder (mother)."   Giggling, I replied, "I love you too Son."  He paused, cocked his head to the side and said, "I'n not sunsine, yollypops and yainbows eveywear..."  

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Sometimes I forget how different my kids are.  My mom was preparing some Rhodes bake & serve bread, Zoe walked up & peeked in the pan. The following conversation ensued....

Z:  "What is THAT?!!"   

Grandma replied,  "bread."

Z:  "why is it WHITE?!!"

G:  "cause some bread is white."

Z:   Pause.... "Weird!"

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The kids were talking to milo about what if the new baby is a boy/girl.  

J:  "what if the baby is a girl?  What would you do with her?"

M:  "play reen-aroun-na-wosies and go shopping."

J: "what if it's a baby boy?"

M:  "& teach baby boy ABCs and do rock-n-roll yike dis,  be-ner-ner-ner (dancing around)"

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Milo saw a man coming out of a National Guard recruitment office in camos when we were out & about.  "Mom," he said, "dat duy's wearing a dinosaur shirt!!"  

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I don't remember what Chris & I were watching, but Milo was in the room kind of just playing and doing his own thing.  After the show was over, Milo started telling me about the show....

"Dat guy was dead & the bad duy was changing his britches & he's had poopy pants."

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I was trying to put Milo down for a nap....yeah, wasn't working.  It especially came to a halt when Zoe entered the room fussing about eating her broccoli.  I told Milo, "let's go out" (of the room).  To which he replied,  

"Otay, Yet me put dis toy back an we go out and see Zoe frowing a fit about broccy (broccoli) is nasty."

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Chris was watching Milo build with duplo bricks and observed, "He has my chin.  I just noticed that."   Then he playfully pinched Milo's chin and declared, "give me back my chin, that's my chin!"   To which Milo replied, "dis is not your tin (chin), dis (poking Chris's chin) is your tin."  Then he returned his attention back to his block building, quietly tossing in,  "Duh."  

Heard in the trenches

We have some issues in our household with staying seated at the dinner table and having some semblance of etiquette, as evidenced by Zoe's prayer: "Please help us to eat and eat and not play at the table. It's not a toy, it's a table to put food on . . . . Amen"
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The kids were *ehem* "eating lunch" and their conversation went like this:

Zoe: "Jonah, this carrot is as big as a GIANT!"

Jonah: "How big is a giant?"

Zoe: "Hmmm. . . . like a hundred pounds!"

Jonah: "I think mom even weighs a hundred pounds. Don't you mom?"

Me: "Um, let me think about that . . . Yeah."

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Zoe ran over her foot with the door . . . "Ow!" She winced, "I hurted my thumb toe!"

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Mimi (Chris's mom) asked "Zoe, why are you so cute?" Zoe replied matter-of-factly, "Because I took a shower today."

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Kolbi painted Zoe's little fingernails pink. Zoe held up her hands in admiration and stated, "When the boys see my fingers is painted they will want to kiss me on the lips!"

Dad gasped and said, "They'd better not or I'll slap them silly!"

Zoe replied incredulously, "Why daddy? I LOVE boys!"

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After walking through the park, dodging goose poop on the ground, watching the geese graze and swim in he pond, we found some large webbed footprints in the sand.

"Aiden," I asked, "Do you know what made those footprints?"

"Yep!" He replied confidently, "Chickens!!"
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Heard in the trenches

Lady Gaga seems to be on the brain around here. Jonah came home from school with the following gem . . .

Jonah: "Mom, how do you wake up Lady Gaga?"

Me: "Huh?" (clueless as usual)

Jonah: "poke-er face."

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Zoe too has gotten into the song too and I often find her singing and dancing to it. I finally heard the words she was singing today . . .

She was walking around singing, "Can't eat my, can't eat my, booger face. . . " Then she stops, looks up at me and says, "Mom, that's gross that she sings about a booger face! Ewww"

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Zoe had gone outside and was sitting on the bench swing with Mimi (Chris's mom). I noticed that her toys were still spread out all over the living room, so I called out to her, "Zoe, are you done with these toys?" "Yes," she says as she imperiously waves her hand at me like she's shooing away a pesky fly, "You can pick them up now."

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Chris told the kids we wanted to take them to see "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" (Big mistake by the way) and Aiden, who is always only half listening pipes in, "Diarrhea wimpy kid!?!"

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Zoe was singing a primary song we sing to people on their birthday. It says, "You've had a birthday, shout hooray! . . . " Zoe's version goes a little more like this . . . "You've had a birthday, shout for Wayne . . . "

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Heard in the Trenches

I've been such a neglectful blogger, by way of peace offering to the blog-gods, I bring to the table the many "Heard in the trenches" quotes I've been amassing. Enjoy :)

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Zoe was playing with a toy car (the Flintstone kind you sit in and use your feet to move around). She impatiently honked at me and announced "Mooo-oom, that means I need gas".

I came over and pretended to fill-er'-up. Then I held out my hand to her and said, "That will be 25 million dollars." She looks at my hand, reaches over and pretends to grab something out of my hand, then put it into her pocket.

Me: (laughing) "No Zoe, you're supposed to give me money!"

Zoe: "Oh yeah, I forgot . . . you don't have any money."

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Aiden and Jonah were sitting at the table eating when Jonah sneezed. Aiden started freaking out . . . . "Mom! Jonah Bless-you'd all over my cashews!!!"

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Overheard:

Aiden: "I wish I was a monkey."

Jonah: "Why?"

Aiden: "Cause then I'd always have to eat bananas."

Zoe: "No Aiden, we're peoples (pointing to her hand and arm as if this would prove her point), see peoples."

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When we visited the Tulsa Zoo, we stopped at the flamingo exhibit. Zoe was fascinated and ran right up to the fence and poked her face through the bars. I could hear her saying, "Hew-wo fwamingo! Hew-wo!" She paused and turned to me, "He's not talkin' to me!"

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Aiden and Jonah were playing with their matchbox cars when I heard Jonah tell Aiden:
"Aiden, this gold camaro (pronounced ka-mar-o) costs infinity dollars. Bumblebee, the yellow camaro, costs google dollars which is $300 dollars less than infinity."

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Aiden has a serious problem with staying on his bum in his chair during meals. Hence I'm constantly telling him to "Glue your bum to your chair." One particular day he kept popping out of his chair (effectively making a big mess and dropping crumb trails everytime he got up). I noticed out of the corner of my eye that he'd gotten out of his chair again and, in exasperation I said, "Aiden, why are you out of your chair again?! Do you want to die today?"

He pronounced, "I'm getting a napkin to clean my face . . . I'm not a di-er!"

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Zoe has a pencil that changes colors with body heat. She lamented to me one day that "This pencil is not change colors, that's why it's needs new batteries."

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Aiden was playing a game with markers. He was using them as magic wands, walking around the house pronouncing, "I turn you into a frog", etc. I overheard him saying, "I turn you into something that looks just like you." (Pause) "Hey, it worked!"

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Aiden and Zoe were playing "Go fish" and I told Zoe (who'd never played before and doesn't understand the subtleties of the game), "Okay Zoe, it's your turn. Ask him if he has a card that matches one of your cards." Zoe nods and says, "Aiden . . . do you have a card that matches one of my cards?"

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Aiden (out of the blue) turns to me and says, "My favorite character on Cinderella is Angry."

Kolbi: (rolling her eyes and in her best pre-teeny-bopper, somewhat disgusted voice) "Aiden, don't you mean Grumpy on Snow White?"

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On a particularly rainy day, I could hear Aiden and Zoe going around the house singing, "It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is BORING." (Giggling) I asked them where they heard that and they proudly pronounced, "Grandpa Pete taught us that!"

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Pop (Chris's dad) (in a very sweet and bonding moment) was reading a book to Aiden. When it was through, Aiden looked up at him and said, "That was great Pop . . . Now can you turn on the t.v. for me?"

Heard in the Trenches

The monkies love the Chipmunks Movie soundtrack and know most of the songs (the ones I let them listen to anyways). One is a remake of Funkytown that's quite fun. We were driving around and Zoe was singing "tak-a-wow-ee, tak-a-wow-wee" for the "Talk about it" part. Aiden turns to her and says, in a rather know-it-all manner. "Zoe. That's NOT how it goes. It says, (singing) "Taco-belly, taco-belly, taco-belly, ooo-yea!."
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We had a "cheat day" (our one night a week where we eat junk food ~ to find out why we're so strict on it, see this) . The next day Jonah was complaining that his tummy hurt.

Me: "It's probably the pizza you ate last night Bud. Your body hates it."

Dad: "It's called inflamation."

Aiden: "infer-bacon?"

Dad: "That's right Aiden, Infer-bacon."

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Aiden was getting into something he wasn't supposed to and Chris called him on it. Aiden turns around and says, "I know, I know. Calm down and you can have a sucker."
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Zoe and I were working on summer workbooks and her page was about matching. She was kind of struggling to understand so I was trying to help. She had a sticker banana and her choices were a row of clothes, a row of toys and a row of food. I asked, "Zoe, do we wear a banana?" She looks at me, puts her hands on her hips, and states, "No mom, dat's just cwazy."
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Zoe was psyched to go swimming in the XL kiddie pool we're sporting over here and she was prancing about in her swimsuit (or "swimsoup" as she calls it). It has a little bow on it that rests in the middle of her back. She skipped into the room and whilst flapping the bow with her little hands, announced, "Mom, I have wings on my swimsoup so I can fry!"

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Zoe was sitting on a bench on the back porch with me. She astutely observed, "Mom iss I stand up here, den I will fall down dere and den I will get my shirt all dirty."

Me: "Um, Yea! And get BIG ouches!"

Zoe: "Yesh, and dat will be cweepy (creepy)!

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Mimi was setting up a game of Memory for Aiden. He wanted someone to play with him so he was complaining, "This is too hard. I can't do this by myself."

Mimi: "I'm going to set you up because I know you can do this."

Me: "What are you talking about Aiden, You kick my booty at that game all the time!"

Aiden: (whispering aside to Mimi) "That's cause I cheat."
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Heard in the Trenches

Zoe was eating almonds and accidentally bit her cheek. She was consoled and calmed down. A few minutes later, she says, "Mom, I'n not talkin' to you. I'n talkin' to dese almonds."

Me: "Okay Zoe."

Zoe: (adopting a fierce scowl) "Almonds! You in big twouble!"
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Chris has been constantly thwarted in his attempts to open his Chiropractic office. There have been so many snags and he's been quite frustrated. So, when he walked into the room and announced, "Well I got two things done today. . . " I was thrilled for him.

"That's great hon, what were they?"

He looks at me with a wry grin and replies, "Diddly and Squat!"
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I'm afraid my Kolbi is now in the pre-teen note-writing phase of young girl-hood. It cracks me up and takes me back to my own girly-note-writing stage. I just had to share some of her fun notes . . . .

First of all, this goes back to Christmastime. I know, I'm a slacker. She brought it home from her primary class where apparently they were supposed to make a card with a home-made "gift" or promise for someone. This was her promise to me . . .How's that for selfless Christmas-spirit sacrifice?

I woke up from a Sunday afternoon nap during which Chris had taken the kids for a walk. On the counter was a small bowl full of little flowers and this written on a sticky note . . . (translation: Dear Mom, I hope you like the flowers even if they are dead. I LOVE you! Love, Kolbi)

Finally, my favorite and the most recent . . . It was covertly slipped into the back pocket of my jeans . . .
(Dear Mom,
There is a vary cute boy in my class.
And I don't know what to do about it.
Please help! He is ador-able!
(DON'T BREATH A WORD TO DAD! He'll W-I-G WIG!)
P.S. His name is Colton.)

Ah, young love! All I can say is Colton better watch out for Kolbi's Wig-wearin' dad!!
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Zoe was coloring and digging through the bag of random crayons. From the other room I hear her say, "Whoa!! Oh my goodness!! I LOVE pink! Pink! Pink! Pink!!"
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Zoe was sitting in her chair with a wash cloth. She'd hold it up in front of her face and you could hear her little voice say, "Peek-a-boo! Where are me?"
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Aiden, Zoe, and I were driving one day and I saw a car painted like a zebra as advertisement for something. I point it out to Aiden and he eagerly pipes in, "I want that when I'm big as a dad!" Then out comes the pouty lip, he folds his arms huffily, and in an angry, 'It's not fair' voice he declares . . . "But I won't get it!"

Surprised by this turn in the conversation, I ask, "Why not Aiden?"

"Because!" He pronounces hotly, "I'll be a Dad! And dad's don't get good presents for Christmas, only kids do! I'll just get a watch, or a tie or something boring like that!!"

Me: (Giggling) "You ain't kiddin' bud!"

Heard in the Trenches (in French, Ooh La la!)

Kolbi has been begging for braids for days now but I have declined repeatedly for reasons of sanity. Finally I relented today. I asked her if she wanted french braids or regular. Since she couldn't understand the difference I created a french braid for her on one side of her head. As I'm weaving her hair, she's says, "Ow! . . . Ow! . . . Mom! I'm serious . . .Ow! . . . these must be for French girls only . . . Ow! . . . Cause these are killing me!"

Woo Hoo! Finally a new post!! (a.k.a. Heard in the Trenches)

Aiden was clicking a pen over and over again . . . Click-click, click-click, click-click. . . . He stops and looks at me, "Mom, am I going to waste all of the gas out of this pen?"

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Zoe: (speaking to Grandma on the phone) "Bolbi, Nonah go skoo." (Kolbi and Jonah are going to school).

Grandma: "Are you going to play nice with Aiden while they're at school?"

Zoe: "Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Dat's funny!"

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We heard the song on the radio that says, "it's to late to apologize." (Apologize by Timbaland) I guess it got stuck in Jonah's head. Later he gathered the kids for an impromptu concert where he stood up on the plastic play table and, in his best operatic voice, began singing, "It's too late to college eyes!"

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Aiden was making a lot of noise digging through the toys in the other room. Zoe walks in and says, "A heck a do-een Aiden?!" Then she returned to me and stated, "I heck-een a Aiden" (I'm hecking at Aiden)

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Aiden: (Struggling against getting his face washed after a meal) "Mom! If you put this water on people's faces it makes them die!"

Me: (Exasperated) "Well, it was nice knowing you."

Aiden: (shocked enough to hold still) "You'd let me die!?"

Me: (finally wiping him clean) "But I would miss you very much dear."

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I have for some time suspected that my children lie in wait for the moment when nature calls to me so they can get into trouble. I had this suspicion confirmed when I witnessed the children huddling and speaking in hushed tones. Aiden broke from the group and asks me, "Mom, could you go to the bathroom for a few minutes so we can do something?"

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Aiden found a little light and began performing impromptu medical exams on us.

Aiden: "Mom, let me see in your ear. Closer. Closer. Clooosser. (sticks his light firmly into my ear.) Oh, your a little crumby in your ear."

To Chris: "Open your mouth. (peeks in) Oh no! you have a little tooth behind your lungs! (we all laugh) I'm serious!"

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Jonah: (Out of the blue) "Mom, which would you choose? Getting stung by a bee or wasp, oooorr . . . getting . . . your arm cut off?"

Me: (smiling) "I'd definitely have to go with the bee sting."

Jonah: "Oh. Ok." (walks away)

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Aiden: "Mom, see this dot right here on my arm? That's called a frickle."

Heard in the Trenches

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While on our vacation at Mimi and Pop's house, I was attempting to get the kiddos (three of which were sharing a room ~ an arrangement NOT conducive to any actual sleeping) back into bed (again!) the following conversation ensued. . .

Jonah: "Mom, do crystals really exist?"

Me: (baffled) "Crystals? Yeah, Pop has tons of them." (Pop is an avid rock collector)

Jonah: "See guys! That means Light Sabers exist and so does Star Wars!" (Betcha didn't know light sabers got their power from crystals? Jonah is quite the Star Wars aficionado)

Me: (chuckling) "No, honey. Star Wars is a story someone made up."

Jonah: "No mom! It's real! It was just a long long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. It was in the time of the dinosaurs so now they're all extinct like the dinosaurs."

Kolbi: "Yeah, so now there's no evidence! Like, no bones and stuff! No one will ever find evidence that it's real!"

Me: (rolling eyes and walking out the door) "Good night guys!!"
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Aiden is talking to me from the backseat of the car . . .

Aiden: "Mom, I have a remote control that can make things big."

Me: "Really?!"

Aiden: "Yea, so if you want your legs or feet to get bigger, bigger, I can do that for you."

Me: (chuckling) "Thanks bud. I'll keep that in mind." (Geez, If my boats got any bigger, I could sink the Titanic! What I really wanted to know is if this this magic remote makes other body parts bigger . . . Hmmmm)
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This morning, at the kitchen table, we had yet another lovely mealtime conversation. It went a little something like this . . .

Zoe: (turning in her chair and glaring at Aiden) "No go poopy!" (I don't know where this came from but I can only guess he was bugging her about filling her shorts)

Aiden: "What did she say?"

Jonah: "She said, 'No go (whispering) p-o-o-p'."

Zoe: "Heh! Heh! Dat's POOP!"

Kids: (fall off their chairs laughing)

Really?! My baby knows how to spell poop! This certainly has to be a sign of genius?!

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Me: "Okay Zoe, time for ni-nights. Give Daddy kisses."

Zoe: "Okay. (she leans in for a kiss). (Points to my bedroom door and with the other hand lightly pushes dad towards it). It's ni-nights daddy!" (Then she wriggles out of my arms to go play)

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We were starting with lunch ~ Of course, my kids think they must have Whine with their lunch!

Kolbi: "Mom, while we're eating, can we listen to my C.D.?"

Jonah: "No! I want to watch a show!"

Kolbi: "No! I don't want to rotten my brain!"

Me: (chuckle)

Kolbi: "What? Dad says it rottens (rots) our brains!"

Jonah: "I don't care. I WANT to rotten my brain."

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While at the pool, Zoe spied with her little eye . . . a bug.

She climbed out of the water, toddled over to it, and STOMPED on the bug. Then she got down on all fours and proceeded to examine the bug up close. A wave of compassion must have come over her as she gazed down at the poor bug curled up in a fetal position. "Awwww!" She says, "Is baby. Tute (cute) baby!" Then she looks up at me, puts her finger up to her lips and says, "Ssss (shhh) mom. Baby seeping (sleeping)!"

Indeed, little bug killer, this bug sleeps the eternal sleep. Farewell baby bug! May your heaven be free of gigantic, chubby little feet!

Heard in the Trenches IV (we have way too many silly conversations around here)

Jonah and I were asking Zoe what sounds different animals make. She wasn't being very accommodating. . . this is what we got out of her.

Jonah: "Zoe, what does a duck say?"

Zoe: "Kak."

Me: "What does a dog say?"

Zoe: "No dog!"

Me: "does it say 'Ruff!'?"

Zoe: "No ruff!"

Jonah: "what does a cat say?"

Zoe: "No cat say!"

Jonah: "does it say 'meow'?"

Zoe: "No moow!"

Me: "Zoe, what does Jonah say?"

Zoe: (looks at Jonah) "Mine!!"

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Zoe has really gotten in to the Ringling Bros spirit around here. After just about everything she does, she throws her hands up in the air and pronounces "Ta Daaaa!!!!"

For example:

-She gets out the step stool, carries it into the center of the living room (She's center ring material you know), climbs up on it . . . "Ta Daaaa!!!!"

-She finishes her meal and throws her utensils on the floor, throws her hands up . . . "Ta Daaaa!!!!"

-She falls down (none to gracefully I might add), lays there on the floor, throws her hands above her head and pronounces. . . "Ta Daaaa!!!!"

-She removes all of her clothes by herself, streaks into the room buck naked . . . "Ta Daaaa!!!!"

Ah, showmanship at it's finest!

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Zoe has been picking up entirely too much from the older kids. They, unfortunately are NOT a good influence. She walked up to Aiden during scripture study the other night and whacked him on the head with a book. Chris says, "Whoa Zoe, you need to tell Aiden sorry. We give loves not ouches."

Zoe replies: "I tan't"

Dad: "Yes, you need to tell him sorry."

Zoe: "I tan't!"

Dad: (suppressing a smile) "Tell him sorry for hitting him."

Zoe: (putting her hands on her hips) "I did!"

Dad: (kids are giggling) "No you didn't. Say sorry."

Zoe: (walks up to Aiden) "Torry Aid-n. I ya you (I love you)." (gives him a hug)

Then, as soon as dad turns around, she winds up her arm and bonks him again . . .

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Sometimes you don't realize that you say something a lot until your kids start parroting you. . . I was standing in the kitchen next to the counter, I leaned over to pick something off the floor and gouged my back on the corner. "Ouch!" I exclaimed. Zoe, who was sitting next to me, says, "It's 'Shoot!' Mama?"

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I got Zoe out of her crib in the morning and carried her into my bedroom. She began looking around and said, "Where Da-dee go?" I replied, "He went to school." To which she stated, "Aw, Man!"

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The following is a perfect example of why we don't go to fancy restaurants . . . EVER.

Kolbi: "Dad, what is your shirt made out of?"

Dad: "Cotton."

Kolbi: "Did you know you're wearing a plant? It's a natural resource."

Dad: "Wow Kolbi. Very good. (Playfully) Did you know that certain kinds of shirts are made from silk. And silk comes out of a worms bum?"

Kids: "Eeeww! Poop shirts!?"

Dad: (laughing) "Well, not exactly . . . "

Kolbi: (interrupting) "Dad, do you have a silk shirt?"

Dad: "Uh, No. . . "

Me: "He does have silk ties."

Jonah: (standing up in his chair, pointing his finger at Dad) "Eeeewww! You wear poop around your neck!!!!"

Kids: "Eeeewwww!"

Me: "Way to go hon!"

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Zoe's become quite the avid bird watcher. She loves to look out the windows at the birds perched on the fence. Her bird-watching sessions go a little something like this . . .

(Looks out window) "Wew (where) bird? Wew? Bii-ird? Wew bird?
(Spots one) "Der y'is!"
(Starts pounding on the glass) "BIRD! BIRD! BII-IRD!!"
(Finally makes enough ruckus and scares the bird away) (surprised) "Wew birdy go?"

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Aiden was in the other room by himself. I heard him singing and went to investigate. This is what I heard . . .

(a lovely variation of I'm just a kid by Simple Plan)
"I'm just a kid and i want some tre-eats.
I'm just a kid and I know that it's not fair.
I'm just a kid and I want lots of tre-eats.
I'm just a kid and you won't let me eat them. . . "

Check out the real video by the way, it's pretty funny.

Heard in the Trenches III (the mini-est monkey version)

Aiden's prayer over breakfast:

"Heavenly Father, Thank you for this food. And we will get big and strong. And be like superheroes. And this is a new day of our lives. . . "

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Aiden has a very active imagination. In fact, he's invented an alternate reality, with a new house and family~ he calls this his "House Dream" because it started as a dream. I often hear tales of what his other mom lets him do ("My other mom says I can have all the treats for dinner." "My mom says I can stay up tonight." "My mom says I can drive the car to the store." etc.). It makes for very odd conversations, I tell ya. The other day he was telling me this:

Aiden: "Mom, did you know my mom said I can marry you when I'm a dad?"

Me: (smiling) "No, really?"

Aiden: "Yeah, and I love to marry girls!"
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Aiden has been very fascinated with kissing and getting married lately. He thinks Hannah Montana is beautiful and frequently (much to his sister's distress) tries to kiss Kolbi's posters of said pop star. He went to my friends house one day and her daughter (who is a year older than him) dressed up in her fancy dress-up clothes then asked him to dance with her. This made quite an impression on him and he's been somewhat smitten ever since. One Sunday they passed love notes (pictures of them dancing together) back and forth. He hung them on his wall the moment he got home. He's been making big plans ever since.

This conversation was relayed to me by this friend who was watching Aiden for me again. Aiden announces, "Olivia, I'm going to marry you when I'm big as a dad. Then I'm going to kiss you." Olivia's mom interjects, "How about you go on a mission first." Aiden says thoughtfully, "oh yeah, that." Turns to Olivia, "Then I'm going to kiss you."

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Zoe's started to say prayers now. In fact she's very enthusiastic about it and the rest of us have to suppress giggles cause she's just so darn cute! A typical prayer goes a little like this . . .

Mom: "Heavenly Father . . . "

Zoe: (in a squeaky little voice, arms folded tight and eyes squished closed) "squeak, whisper, squeak, squeak"

Mom: "Thank you for. . . "

Zoe: "Tank goo . . ."

Mom: "Daddy . . .

Zoe: "Daa-yee"

Mom: "Mommy . . ."

Z: "Ma-mee"

M: "Kolbi . . ."

Z: "Bol-bee"

M: "Jonah . . . "

Z: "No-nah"

M: "Aiden . . ."

Z: "Aid-n"

M: "Please help . . . "

Zoe: "Aid-n" (giggles from the kids)

M: "Please help . . ."

Zoe: "No-nah." (more giggles from the kids)

M: (sees a pattern here, moving on) "in the name . . ."

Zoe: "Aid-n"

M: "Of Jesus . . . "

Zoe: "De-sus"

M: "Christ . . ."

Zoe: "Cri."

M: "Amen."

Zoe: "Maa-menn!" (Throws her arms out wide. The kids lose it in fits of giggles and she beams proudly).

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As we're driving about, Aiden, Zoe and I often jam to tunes. Aiden is very funny about the songs. As I'm scanning through stations, Almost every song he's slightly familiar with, he informs me that that is his "favorite song." He likes to assign parts to the family . . . "I'm playing the guitar, Dad's singing, Jonah's playing the drums . . . "

He also takes the songs very literally. We were listening to a song where the female lead was singing "Baby, something, something, something." He complains from the back seat, "She keeps calling me Baby! I'm not a baby!"

We also listened to Bon Jovi's song "Who says you can't go Home" and he started bawling in the back seat. "What's wrong?!?" I asked. He wails out, "They said I can't go hoooomme!"

He likes to make up names for the songs too. The other day we heard a song I wasn't familiar with, he informs me, "This song is called, 'Water, Water, I want a drink and you're not letting me'." As the chorus starts, he says, "SEE! He just said he's thirsty!"

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We like to eat Hummus in this family, sprinkled with paprika. Aiden was asking for some one morning and said, "Mom, can I have some of that white stuff with that red stuff on it. I want a lot, a lot, of red stuff, but not too much red stuff because that will SPICE my tongue off!"

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Zoe was walking out of her room and bonked her elbow on the door sill. She scrunches up her face, grabs her elbow and says, "Oh, dat's ouches!"

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Aiden was going through our pantry and bugging me for some spaghettios. I looked at the label to find that it was full of modified food starch and high fructose corn syrup. Not wanting him to be a spaz I told him no (repeatedly). He wouldn't take this for an answer however and kept whining and bugging for it. He kept asking why not. Finally in exasperation I said, "Because it's full of CRAP!" (I know, way to keep your cool mom!). His eyes get big and he says, "That has POOP in it?!?!"

Heard in the trenches II

Aiden helped me make a smoothie. Anxious to try it, he asked how it tasted. I did a taste test and said (facetiously), "It tastes pretty gross!"

Aiden: "Let me try! No it doesn't! It taste-es Van-Tastic!"

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While watching the kids for the babysitting swap

Me: Brigham, move your hand or I'll get peanut butter on it. Then you'll look like a sandwich and we'll have to eat you for lunch.

Devon: You can't eat him, he's my brother!

Brigham: Devon, you're my brother.

Devon: No, I'm your brother.

Brigham: Yeah, you're my brother.

Devon: No, I'm your brother.

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Aiden (saying the dinner prayer): "Heavenly Father, please bless this food that it won't eat us if it becomes a monster. "

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Chris (at Family Home Evening~we were having a lesson on honesty): "Do you know what another name for Satan is?"

Kolbi: "Ooh Ooh! I know! CHRISTOPHER! (Sees the look on dad's face, knows that's not right) No, I mean LUCIFER!" (This is the 2nd time she's mixed that up by the way)

Chris: "Oooa-kaay! The answer I was looking for was 'The father of all lies'. But thank you for that Kolbi."

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Driving home from church, Aiden shows us the picture he drew in class.

Aiden: "It's a monster to get through ducks and walls and mountains and words and I wish Jesus would give me tons of money."

Dad: (suppressing a smile) "Why?"

Aiden: "So I can have tons of money."

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Jonah was throwing a fit about something at the dinner table. I made a sad and pouty face (because I'm such a good parent I resort to mockery)

Jonah: "Why are YOU being a whiner?"

Me: "Because I have such a good tutor (pointing to Jonah)."

Kids: **giggle, giggle, Snicker!**

Jonah: "I'm not a tooter!"

Chris: (giving me a reproving look) "You've got to watch how you phrase things around these guys. (turning to the kids) A tutor is a teacher."

Kids: **Ba! Ha! Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!***

Me: "Way to go hon!"

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Yet another discussion at the dinner table. I can't remember how it started, but Chris was trying to explain to Kolbi the difference between a name and a nickname.

Chris: (somewhat frustrated because all other attempts to explain had failed to get through) "Ok, Your name is Kolbi. But if we were to call you 'meathead', then THAT would be your nickname."

Kids: **giggle, giggle, giggle!**

Kolbi: "Ha! Ha! Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!" (Falls off chair) "Meathead!"

Heard in the trenches

Aiden: Mom, could I put a monkey and a duck on my Christmas list?

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Aiden (who was very proud of the shirt he picked out and put on by himself): Charity, do you like my shirt? It has buttons.

Charity: . . . What??

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Kolbi was complaining her eye was bothering her. I couldn't find anything in it.

Me: (to Chris) do you think putting a few drops of saline in her eye would help?

Kolbi: A CUP OF SAND!?!?!?!?!?

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Jonah retrieved the mail from the mailbox for me. In it he found a copy of Better Homes and Gardens. After seeing an ad for Dove ProAge on the back cover, he proceeded to run up the driveway screaming, "She's naked! Mom, she's naked!" whilst waving the magazine in the air. Chris's response: "Well, the neighbors are never going to look at me the same again."

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Aiden and I were washing our hands with some yummy smelling coconut soap.

Me: MMM, you smell good enough to eat. Can I eat you for lunch please?

Aiden: No you can't eat me, I'm a kid.

Me: So?

Aiden: You can't eat kids?

Me: Why?

Aiden: Cause kids are family!

AAhh, It's all clear now!

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Overheard from the other room.

Aiden: (screaming~ lest you forget, his volume button is broken) But I HAVE to marry her!

Kolbi: (I didn't hear her response)

Aiden: No, she's a girl! Jonah and I have to marry girls! (growing heated)

Me: Aiden, what's going on?

Aiden: (Stomping into room). Mom, I have to marry Olivia!

Me: (Surpressing a smile--this is serious stuff here after all!) Oh really? Why?

Aiden: Because she drew me a picture!

Me: Okay bud. (he stomps off again)

Chris: I wish I would have known that rule a long time ago. I lead a lot of little girls on!

Me: Heartbreaker!!

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Aiden got a new stuffed puppy and we were discussing names for it.

Me: What do you want to call him?

Aiden: Frart.

Me: Frart?!?

Aiden: Yes. It's a good name.

Me: Frart?!? Are you sure you don't want to call him something else?

Aiden: Well, maybe Austin.

Me: Good choice.

Out of the Mouths of Babes (a.k.a. Heard in the Trenches)

Aiden: "Mom, there's a fly on you, I'm gonna have to punch you on the back!"
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Jonah: (to the adorable 3 year old Jonathan) "I'm going to be a dragon tonight for Trunk-or-Treat."

Jonathan: (in all seriousness) "Don't fire me okay."

Jonah: (equally serious) "Don't worry, I won't fire you."

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Aiden: (en route to Kolbi and Jonah's school) "Mom are we going to pick up the Monkins?"

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Kolbi: (scouring through her trick-or-treat bag) "Mom!! I got Mike & Likes! Those are my favorites! Even though I've never tried them before."

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Aiden woke in the night with a bad dream. After putting him back to bed, I crawled back into mine.

Chris: (mumbles something)

Me: "hmmm?"

Chris: (sitting up and leaning over me) "con da gincha de gambo?"

Me: ( *???* ) "um, yeah."

Chris: (pats my arm three times, then rolls over)

Me: *snicker*


**I include this under the title of Out of the Mouths of Babes because I think Chris is a babe!**
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Lance: Sunflower seeds taste like tater tots.

Isaac: Can I have some more tater tot seeds?

**both are boys from our babysitting swap**

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