The cluelessness of Mom

Zoe has taken notice of my appearance lately. She notices when my hair is undone or unruly and she tells me that I didn't do a good job, only she does a good job. Then she runs to get the hairbrush to fix her poor, clueless mom.

This morning, I had my hair pulled back in a sloppy bun with an assortment of clips in my hair to keep my bangs out of the way so I could wash and apply make-up to my face. I looked decidedly Medusa-like I'll admit. Zoe walked into the bathroom, climbed up on the step stool and watched intently for a few minutes.

"Mom, you look weird!" She states.

"Thanks a lot Zoe, that's very sweet of you to say" I reply facetiously.

Obviously flummoxed that her subtle hint didn't make it through my thick skull, she puts her hands on her hips and says "Weird means NOT pretty."

Heard in the Trenches

I've been such a neglectful blogger, by way of peace offering to the blog-gods, I bring to the table the many "Heard in the trenches" quotes I've been amassing. Enjoy :)

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Zoe was playing with a toy car (the Flintstone kind you sit in and use your feet to move around). She impatiently honked at me and announced "Mooo-oom, that means I need gas".

I came over and pretended to fill-er'-up. Then I held out my hand to her and said, "That will be 25 million dollars." She looks at my hand, reaches over and pretends to grab something out of my hand, then put it into her pocket.

Me: (laughing) "No Zoe, you're supposed to give me money!"

Zoe: "Oh yeah, I forgot . . . you don't have any money."

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Aiden and Jonah were sitting at the table eating when Jonah sneezed. Aiden started freaking out . . . . "Mom! Jonah Bless-you'd all over my cashews!!!"

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Overheard:

Aiden: "I wish I was a monkey."

Jonah: "Why?"

Aiden: "Cause then I'd always have to eat bananas."

Zoe: "No Aiden, we're peoples (pointing to her hand and arm as if this would prove her point), see peoples."

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When we visited the Tulsa Zoo, we stopped at the flamingo exhibit. Zoe was fascinated and ran right up to the fence and poked her face through the bars. I could hear her saying, "Hew-wo fwamingo! Hew-wo!" She paused and turned to me, "He's not talkin' to me!"

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Aiden and Jonah were playing with their matchbox cars when I heard Jonah tell Aiden:
"Aiden, this gold camaro (pronounced ka-mar-o) costs infinity dollars. Bumblebee, the yellow camaro, costs google dollars which is $300 dollars less than infinity."

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Aiden has a serious problem with staying on his bum in his chair during meals. Hence I'm constantly telling him to "Glue your bum to your chair." One particular day he kept popping out of his chair (effectively making a big mess and dropping crumb trails everytime he got up). I noticed out of the corner of my eye that he'd gotten out of his chair again and, in exasperation I said, "Aiden, why are you out of your chair again?! Do you want to die today?"

He pronounced, "I'm getting a napkin to clean my face . . . I'm not a di-er!"

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Zoe has a pencil that changes colors with body heat. She lamented to me one day that "This pencil is not change colors, that's why it's needs new batteries."

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Aiden was playing a game with markers. He was using them as magic wands, walking around the house pronouncing, "I turn you into a frog", etc. I overheard him saying, "I turn you into something that looks just like you." (Pause) "Hey, it worked!"

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Aiden and Zoe were playing "Go fish" and I told Zoe (who'd never played before and doesn't understand the subtleties of the game), "Okay Zoe, it's your turn. Ask him if he has a card that matches one of your cards." Zoe nods and says, "Aiden . . . do you have a card that matches one of my cards?"

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Aiden (out of the blue) turns to me and says, "My favorite character on Cinderella is Angry."

Kolbi: (rolling her eyes and in her best pre-teeny-bopper, somewhat disgusted voice) "Aiden, don't you mean Grumpy on Snow White?"

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On a particularly rainy day, I could hear Aiden and Zoe going around the house singing, "It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is BORING." (Giggling) I asked them where they heard that and they proudly pronounced, "Grandpa Pete taught us that!"

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Pop (Chris's dad) (in a very sweet and bonding moment) was reading a book to Aiden. When it was through, Aiden looked up at him and said, "That was great Pop . . . Now can you turn on the t.v. for me?"

The surprising perks of law enforcement

I find we have some of the funniest conversations in the car . . .

As we were driving along the other day, we saw a police motorcycle with flashing lights ahead of us. Aiden instantly sat up and took notice. "I want to be a police when I get big as a dad!" He announces. His enthusiasm was adorable, and while I have huge amounts of respect for the hard work and danger law enforcers face, the thought of my little boy running around in dangerous situations all the time is not my idea of a wonderful career choice. I'd much rather he choose a nice, safe career. One where his momma doesn't have to worry about him so much.

Then a discussion ensued when Jonah asked, "Can you choose whatever you want to be when you grow up?" (With genuine awe in his voice) I told him that he could choose what he wanted to be, but that whatever he chose, he'd have to work hard to learn how to do it. "Policemen have do to a lot of training" I explained. "Veterinarians have to go to school to learn about the animals, Chiropractors have to learn all about the human body to help it, Architects have to go to college to learn how to design building. So yes, you can choose, but you have to work hard for it."

"Hmmm." Jonah replied, "cool!"

About ten minutes later, after a lengthy silence for Aiden, he pipes in . . . "Mom, the reason I want to be a police when I get big as dad, is because I want my own key."

Me: (Not sure I heard him right) "Key?"

Aiden: "Yes. I've always wanted my own key."

Me: (Smiling) "You can do lots of different jobs and have your own key." ("Something that doesn't involve shootings, high-speed car chases, and bad guys" I add silently)

Aiden: "Really?!"

Jonah: "But Aiden, if you're a police man, you get your own gun! A real gun!"

Aiden: "Wow! Then I definitely want to be a police!!"


Geez! Your own key AND your own real gun! What job could compete with those awesome perks?!

Heard in the Trenches

The monkies love the Chipmunks Movie soundtrack and know most of the songs (the ones I let them listen to anyways). One is a remake of Funkytown that's quite fun. We were driving around and Zoe was singing "tak-a-wow-ee, tak-a-wow-wee" for the "Talk about it" part. Aiden turns to her and says, in a rather know-it-all manner. "Zoe. That's NOT how it goes. It says, (singing) "Taco-belly, taco-belly, taco-belly, ooo-yea!."
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We had a "cheat day" (our one night a week where we eat junk food ~ to find out why we're so strict on it, see this) . The next day Jonah was complaining that his tummy hurt.

Me: "It's probably the pizza you ate last night Bud. Your body hates it."

Dad: "It's called inflamation."

Aiden: "infer-bacon?"

Dad: "That's right Aiden, Infer-bacon."

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Aiden was getting into something he wasn't supposed to and Chris called him on it. Aiden turns around and says, "I know, I know. Calm down and you can have a sucker."
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Zoe and I were working on summer workbooks and her page was about matching. She was kind of struggling to understand so I was trying to help. She had a sticker banana and her choices were a row of clothes, a row of toys and a row of food. I asked, "Zoe, do we wear a banana?" She looks at me, puts her hands on her hips, and states, "No mom, dat's just cwazy."
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Zoe was psyched to go swimming in the XL kiddie pool we're sporting over here and she was prancing about in her swimsuit (or "swimsoup" as she calls it). It has a little bow on it that rests in the middle of her back. She skipped into the room and whilst flapping the bow with her little hands, announced, "Mom, I have wings on my swimsoup so I can fry!"

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Zoe was sitting on a bench on the back porch with me. She astutely observed, "Mom iss I stand up here, den I will fall down dere and den I will get my shirt all dirty."

Me: "Um, Yea! And get BIG ouches!"

Zoe: "Yesh, and dat will be cweepy (creepy)!

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Mimi was setting up a game of Memory for Aiden. He wanted someone to play with him so he was complaining, "This is too hard. I can't do this by myself."

Mimi: "I'm going to set you up because I know you can do this."

Me: "What are you talking about Aiden, You kick my booty at that game all the time!"

Aiden: (whispering aside to Mimi) "That's cause I cheat."
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Time to potty train? AAAAAGGGGHHH!!

Ok, so Zoe is almost 3. Don't even get me started on how insane it is that my baby is almost three because it blows my mind and frankly a gentle breeze makes my brain hurt.

I haven't made a big deal about potty training. After 3 kids, I don't see it as a big deal and I actually learned from past mistakes that pushing only begets pushing back. But more than that, I'm just not ready. She frequently tells me she needs to go potty (usually it's when I'm rushing like a mad woman to get breakfast ready and lunches packed and little people dressed and out the door to school or some other such craziness, all of which she wants me to stop and sit with her while she doesn't go potty), to which I sigh and say, "You have a diaper on, just go in that." I know, I'm a shoe-in for that glowing "Mother of the Year" award! I've already picked out the dress for the awards ceremony.

Aiden and Zoe have taken matters into their own hands. Aiden has become a bit of a mother hen to Zoe and likes to baby her. He's been taking her into the bathroom and helping her set up her little throne and encouraging her to go potty. She obliges willingly, even goes to him instead of distracted/careless mom when she has to go. Does she actually tinkle? Nary a drop. But it sure is fun! I know I should take advantage of her eagerness, but frankly, I think it's all just an excuse to release the pent up nudist in her.

~~Help!!~~

I'm invisible

A friend shared this with me and I thought it was Beautiful. I can totally identify!

I'm invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.

Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She's going ... she's going ... she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it.

I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe.I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
* No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
* These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
* They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
* The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."
And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want himto want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add,"You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.