My Miss Kolbi is a dreamer with big plans. She dreams big, then fully expects her dreams to come to fruition. Definitely not a bad thing! But in this realistic world, she ends up with a lot of disappointment. Unfortunately when her plans don't pan out, she becomes very down hearted. Sometimes I feel the need, right from the beginning, to keep her from getting her hopes in improbable things too high. I feel that, by being realistic in the beginning, it saves her the big build up of anticipation from her stubbornly obsessing over her unrealistic dreams, and in turn the huge disappointment that results when things don't work out as planned. Let me give you an example . . .
Miss Kolbi has jumped on the Hannah Montana bandwagon. This child who was way behind the times (have I mentioned we don't have cable?) had never heard of the famed pop/country star before she entered 2nd grade. Now, she comes home eschewing the many admirable qualities of Miss Miley Cyrus. I don't blame her. I like Miley/Hannah. I think (so far) she makes a decent role model. But I guess I'm also pragmatic about the matter. So, when Kolbi states she wishes she lived in California or that Miley lived in Texas so she could "see her all the time", the realist in me feels the need to point out (before Kolbi starts investigating real estate in the Cyrus neighborhood and saving her pennies for the dream house next door) that it wouldn't be possible anyways. Miley is surrounded by bodyguards designed to protect her privacy. Zoom ~ right over Kolbi's dream-filled head. "Why would anyone famous want privacy?"
Saturday morning, the kids joyfully watch ABC kids which includes **Surprise! Surprise!** Hannah Montana. On a commercial break, the paid advertisements come on and Danimals touts the opportunity to win a backstage pass to (You guessed it!) a Hannah Montana concert! Kolbi postitively lights up!! "Mom! Can we get some of those so we can win a backstage pass?!?!?!" This is where she turns on the puppy-dog eyes. Here I go again . . . I can see what's the obsession coming on. Must . . stop . . train . . wreck . . before . . it . . happens! I explain to her that the odds of winning the backstage pass are so incredibly small. We would have to spend a lot of money on Danimals just to have a 1 in 1 million chance at getting the pass. And seeing how we are poor, and that nobody in our family reacts well to dairy, it would be a very bad idea. Kolbi deflates. "Oh, I see." It would seem that what she sees is that mom is a GIANT stick in the mud!
On Sunday we had "quiet time" (a rare opportunity on Sunday afternoons for Chris and I to have an hour to actually take a nap while the children entertain themselves in their rooms with books and quiet toys ~ It's a beautiful thing . . . when it actually works). After the allotted hour, I opened Kolbi's door to inform her she was now free to come out. To my surprise, she had red eyes and a blotchy face. "Have you been crying?" I asked.
"Yes." She replied.
"Why?" I inquired, bewildered.
"Be-*sniff*-cause this isn't reeeaaaall !!!" As she trusts the "Backstage pass" that came with her Christmas present Hannah Montana doll in my face.
This is not the first time we've discussed the authenticity of this cardboard play backstage pass. Apparently the appeal of the doll . . . the real reason she was placed so highly on Kolbi's very lengthy Christmas wish list, is because Hannah came with a REAL backstage pass. You can imagine her dismay to realize this was not the case.
Being crowned "Miss Pragmatic 2008", I proceed to explain (AGAIN) that a real backstage pass costs A LOT of money. They wouldn't put one in with every 15 dollar doll they sell. How would they make money? It's not practical. Again . . . ZOOM! Right over Kolbi's dream-filled head. Somehow I'm the bad guy in this whole situation.
Kolbi, wisely, decides she's going to write a letter to Miss Miley Cyrus. She worked very hard on it. Decorating it with her beloved stickers and drawing sparkles. She pens her words carefully and precisely~frequently asking me for the correct spelling of things. This is the result. . .
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My STAR! (picture this largely scrawled across the top of the page with the word star surrounded by drawn-in sparkles)
Dear Miley Cyrus,
I am your biggest fan! I wished I lived in California so I could be with you, Jackson, and Lily.
I'm in second grade. What grade are you in?
I live in (insert our real address here).
I watch you on Disney chanle and heres my mom and dads phone numbers (insert real phone numbers). Give me a call.
Your biggest fan,
Kolbi
Rae
Wasson
P.S. can you Mail a real back stage pass for me?
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She proudly asks me what I think of her masterpiece. I read it and immediately cringe that ONCE AGAIN I get to be the bad guy and tell her that it's not a good idea to put our real phone numbers on this sheet. Oh, and that the odds that Miley will even read this letter let alone send her a reply or a backstage pass are slim to none. I know that in the coming weeks she will talk about this letter constantly. Obsess over the mail and why her reply letter has not come yet. Talk my ear off about how she and Miley will become the best of friends via the U.S. Postal service. Then as the weeks drag on with no response and no backstage pass . . . I get to watch my daughter's spirit be squashed. Watch her little heart break that her idol didn't reciprocate the adoration she feels. I DON'T WANT TO BE THE BAD GUY AGAIN!
"This is wonderful Kolbi," I reply. "Go show your dad."
She trots off the the other room and I hear her dad say, "Kolbi you can't put our real phone numbers on this."
"Why not?" She asks.
And I can just see in my mind's eye, the explanation zoom straight over Kolbi's dream-filled head. I can see the disappointment on her beautiful little face at discovering that~once again~ reality is messing with her plans. But I can't help but smile a little bit. At least this time, I didn't have to be the killjoy and the squasher of dreams. This time . . . I get to leave that up to Dad.
5 comments:
I think it is great that she has big dreams. It's when she stops having those dreams that you should worry. But I don't know how you handle the disappointments. That has to be really hard. But it will teach her about real life. Which is a priceless lesson.
I completely understand. We have a hannah wannabe in our home too. It is on every afternoon on disney channel and we only get to watch it if we have stayed on blue that day at school. So it is a prized possession. We also went through dozens of danimals only to find out we keep getting the "sorry" you are a loser box. There has got to be a better way of knocking these kids spirits down.
Anyway...I would let her dream and time will take care of it. Megs forgets after a while and chases the next dream of someday marrying a jonas brother...just you wait!
on a side not isn't oliver just the cutest boy ever ...the boy every mother wants their daughter to be best friends with?
I love me some hannah montana!
That's so sad!!
I actually have a similar example...haha
When Bennett sees something he wants to eat on the TV he says, "Bite! Bite!" and gets upset. I know it's a funny comparison, but it's the first thing I thought of!
Ah, how 'bout the only child next door that literally gets a new toy every day? That's what I've got to contend with for James.
But please, please do not squash her ambitions. My mom did that to me all growing up and even as an adult. Being a fan and wanting things is one thing. Believing you can do something and your mom telling you (every time you want to try something new) that you can't do it is very very demoralizing. Luckily, I was stubborn enough that I wanted to prove her wrong and would attempt my dream anyway. Unfortunately, when I didn't succeed on the first try, she'd basically say, "I told you so." The times I DID succeed, she was good enough to tell me she was proud of me. But still, it would have been nice for her to believe in me, or at least not kill my dream even if she didn't believe I could do something. Please don't tell your child she can't accomplish something.
Thanks for the reminder Julie. I have buckets of faith in Kolbi, just not a lot in the rest of the world. I'm glad you were stubborn enough to prove your mom wrong. You're an awesome chick!
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